#well i guess the good news is that its not long covid making me feel like ass its my same bullshit

[rathockey]

Have some COVID resources!! I recently started looking into the current state of COVID when I saw that cases were surging again and realized I was pretty uninformed about the current state of things, so I figure other people might be too.

So I‘m linking a few resources I‘ve bookmarked that has some good info about COVID and how to protect yourself and others.

Few things that stuck out to me:

1. We should all be masking at the very least indoors and in crowded outdoor settings (like concerts/festivals/etc)! PLEASE please mask if you are able to. N95/KN95 if you can! Surgical masks and cloth masks are better than nothing, but really try to get the respirator masks. You can reuse them as long as they don‘t get wet or crumpled.

2. The vaccine helps with severity but is actually not that great at preventing infection. Another good reason to be masking up - reducing the viral load you get exposed to helps the vaccine out.

3. Advocate for air purifiers in indoor spaces. We should be breathing clean air!

4. All COVID infections are severe or should be treated as such- ‚mild‘ cases included. Any infection is going to do damage to your body, and repeated infections increase your risk of Long COVID.

5. If you get COVID and you are able to, REST! Mind and body. This will go a long way to preventing long COVID. I know not everyone is in a position that they can do this, but take whatever time you can and let your body rest and heal.

And here are the resources I‘ve found:

This has a great PDF with a lot of good info and sources for all of it, as well as a small zine version you can hand out - https://linktr.ee/act_up_mask_up

This is a map with wastewater data, so you can see how things are trending nationwide (US only sorry!) and in various regions. Check and see if your state or city has its own tracker as well - I know Chicago does.

And here is a site that provides information to some questions/statements people say in attempts to get people to „move past“ COVID. This also has a lot of good information about the current state of COVID.

In conclusion (because this is a middle school paper now i guess)

MASK!

Get the boosters! There are new vaccines being developed that will hopefully help us stay ahead of these variants that keep evolving, but the best way to help those are to mask! Less infections mean less variants :)

AND ADVOCATE FOR BETTER COVID PROTECTIONS AND PROTOCOLS!!! We can only do so much as individuals, we have to lobby for governmental and systemic changes.

Also pls reblog this (and feel free to add your own resources! especially if you have resources for non-usamericans, mine are all pretty US focused unfortunately)

[remnantsofthepast-if]

What exactly you didn't like in new da, if you don't mind asking? <3

Oof, where to start? There're quite a lot of things, not gonna lie, but most of them are spoilers so I'm going to stick to the non spoilery ones.

Let me begin by saying that I do like the game despite its clear flaws, and I understand that it must have been a tricky development with covid happening in between and a lot of important people who worked on previous games leaving. As a (somewhat of a) developer myself, I sympathise with that, but as a consumer I have to judge the end result I bought, and after waiting for a decade I just expected something more than what we got.

Putting my opinion under the cut because I get passionate about it. Hope you have time to spare, lol!

For starters, this game gets rid of the Keep and only has three choices to import. While most of the things in the Keep are not really important (especially since the game takes place in the north), that's already a bad start and rises serious concerns, mainly with the returning characters.

It also butchers half of the already existing lore, and contradicts another bunch of events that happened in previous games, like the Well of Sorrows. Harding talks about how the Inquisitor went to the altar of Mythal (which only happens if the Inquisitor drank from the Well), but then, during a conversation between Taash and Emmrich, they talk about how Morrigan turned into a dragon during the events of DAI (which only happens of she drank from the Well)

The pacing of the first half of the game is excruciatingly slow. There are a lot of parts that are there only to lengthen the game unnecessarily, and it can get very boring very fast.

The dialogues are... okay-ish, I guess? It's very obvious that they wanted to be socially correct. Way too much, in fact. They seemed so focused on being inoffensive that there’s little real conflict between characters or in the plot. There's a part where two characters apparently argue? Except that there's no real argument. I only knew because the game told me, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed because again, nothing really happened. And they were completely fine with one another after one conversation two minutes later.

All the companions feel rather dull to me, and some are incredibly annoying. For example, there was a series of quests regarding Solas that I enjoyed at lot, and the companions would get together to comment on it. It was a serious and very interesting subject, but then one of the characters would jump out of the blue to (try to) make some witty remark that only managed to take me out of the story.

Plus, the childish dialogue most of them have (all of them, really) doesn't help at all. Another problem of being socially correct in a game that's supposed to be dark. Most of the time, conversations with them feel more like talking to teenagers than adults.

And don't even get me started on how awful Taash's character is... And no, the problem is not their gender identity, but how it was handled. This ask I got about Albert/Lavina describes perfectly my problem with Taash.

Also, and this only happens with the spanish translation, why the fuck did they translate Harding's name? Why is the text calling her Encaje instead of Lace!? God, that pissed me off so much I ended up changing the text to english, lmao!

Lastly, what they did to some of the returning characters... Poor Isabela, smh. Thank goodness Morrigan doesn't have that big of a role, and that there's zero mention of the Warden and Hawke.

---

It's not as bad as I read in early reviews (thankfully!), and I'm still having fun with it. But I expected to get so invested that I'd end up making several runs like in previous games. Now I'm only playing once and probably forget about it for a long while. Hopefully when (if) I replay it I won't ditch it like I ditched my second run of MEA.

Anyway, TLDR: Mediocre at best. Good individual game, but pretty bad sequel. The only good thing this game does as a sequel is give those Inquisitors who romanced Solas a happy ending. That's pretty much it.

The name "Dragon Age" weights heavily on it. Probably the reason why I'm judging it so harshly.

Thanks for the ask, btw! That was entertaining xD Shame on me for spending more time writing this than a chapter of my story, lol!

[wintergrew]

Actually i will say on KAYF...

The basic premise of KAYF was an idea I first got roughly ten years ago after watching various vampire media. (Let the Right One In, Shiki, etc.) Not the whole plot, but the basic premise of a (queer) couple broken up by one becoming a vampire while their town is being destroyed by...well, vampires. Originally with my friend's and my Star Wars ocs from the MMO swtor we were obsessed with and made a billion AUs for, but very quickly it became its own thing in my head with new OCs.

But at that point in my life i was not writing fiction. I was always too self conscious of my writing because someone flamed my cringeybwriting on Neopets when I was, like...8 or something. So I literally went a full ass decade without writing fiction (with the exception of a couple attempts i immediately abandoned because I hated them) until I decided to try again with South Park fanfiction because i don't even know. Which includes The Thief, which I was shocked people liked. It was a TERRIBLE point in my life, I should say, so having people enjoy what I wrote and saying nice things about it was quite literally one of the only good things I had.

But anyway I still had that vampire idea in the back of my head, but just as random scenes that played in my head of the two main charades + the person who ended up being Estella. (Though originally her and Scott's role was combined.) The plot wasn't really defined or anything, but the basic ending was in my head from the very very beginning.

Anyway...2020. i was supposed to see MCR. Then COVID postponed it. I was very sad about this. So I extra emo-ly listened to a shit ton of MCR. And listening to MCR, suddenly I was thinking about that vampire story and their music pretty much helped me put the plot into place. The terminal illness plotline. The vampire of the pairing being obsessed to save his love and the cruelty from the other vampires regarding that. And ofc the song Kill All Your Friends itself gave me the set up of an IT-like time skip where someone died and they all go back.

They were all still 100% OCs in my head at this point. I didn't really have much confidence anyone would like these idea but, I was actively writing South Park fanfiction people liked well enough. I'd only ever written fanfiction. So I was like "huh I guess I can make this idea Creek".

So I did. And then wrote three chapters and didn't update for a full year.

But then in 2021 it became my ADHD obsession. I stopped caring about The Thief Trilogy. All I could think of was KAYF and wrote the rest of it in three or so months... Over 100k words. Pretty sure the update schedule was longer than that, but I spaced out chapters by a week long after I was finished.

And people seemed to like it. It was too dark to be as popular as the Thief Trilogy, but I knew that. It was a much more personal story, though, especially with how emotional it was, so it meant SO MUCH to me that anyone liked it. Also because The Thief Trilogy feels basically just like a bloated fanfiction adaptation of the SOT game to me, while KAYF feels like mine, so the kind words for it meant even more in a way.

Until someone I thought was a friend trashed it relentlessly. Like, I'm fine with constructive criticism but they were just horrible. Spoiled the plot for people who wanted to read it directly after i asked them not to, went on condescending rants about how there was too much filler, how Tweek in it was an awful character who deserved to die, claimed characters were all too unsympathetic, joked about parts I meant in earnest, etc. And they got really mad at me that my feelings were hurt by this. It was a whole thing.

Anyway, I'm still to this day years later obsessed with this story year. I think about it every day, which is probably more unhealthy ADHD shit. And I always think about how to make it better. I hate how I wrote it so fast and didn't think about certain details or pacing or what have you. Like, once I finished writing it, I was sad because I wanted to keep writing it. I still do.

I hate that I disappoint people by not having it out there. I want it out there, just not the version I rushed in three months.

So, for now, the fic is hidden. Indefinitely.

Anyway if you read all this tl;dr rambling congratulations I guess.

[illusionsofdreaming]

hey, it's owhda. how have you been? it's a little bit sad to see no updates on tumblr from you(I mean any, even just a talk) but that just mean there's something else going on in your life and I sincerely hope it's something good. I didn't really know you much but I really thought that you could be a good friend to have. So.. could we get a glimpse into your life? How's your work? What are you interested in right now?

Hello, hello! It's so nice to see some familiar faces still hanging around this dusty blog! I've missed interacting with you both and Tumblr in general, it's very humbling to know people are reminded of me from time to time. I guess now is as good a time as any to post a little update on what's been going on in my life, how that's affected my writing and what I've got planned for the blog in the coming future. For those who wish to skip the chatter, tldr; I'm hanging on, this will blog will remain online and I do have plans to continue writing.

Let’s see… where do I even begin? Shortly after May, I’ve received an exciting notice - I was promoted! It’s a goal I’ve been working on for some time so it was quite satisfying to hear the news. Since then it’s been a whirlwind of activities - trying to juggle my new responsibilities and manage my own team took some time getting used to. I’ve worked solo for so long it was difficult to be the ‘leader’. In fact - I still am uncomfortable being one, but I’m starting to get the grasp of it.

I’ve been traveling for work as well and in these few months have been to Japan and UK. Both trips where I fell severely ill because my weak body can’t cross countries without making complaints and making me feel my age. Oh. And I finally got Covid in November which really laid me low for at least 2 weeks. 

I realise my health’s been taking a hit lately. Perhaps its the stress of having more work on my plate and being in a new position but I’ve been getting sick more easily. I’m currently recovering from a throat infection that I got from my UK trip as I write this - so fun times.

So yeah.. it’s been a lot of paperwork, electronic work, a lot of self reflection and remoulding of myself to my real life that really put writing on the back burner. I always wrote at night after work but nowadays I don’t even have the energy for that. If I’m not dead asleep by the time I’m done with work then some infection, flu or cold will get me. 

…and the longer I don’t touch my writing the less I wish to open my WIPs because I have a silly, irrational fear that I no longer write the same way I use to - either I’ve deteriorated or my style’s changed. It’s silly. 

Good news is that, I think I’ve finally found my pace, my new position is no longer ‘new’ but the norm and I’m slowly finding ways to carve out my own personal time in my new schedule. Which is why I’ve decided to tackle this issue today. To be honest, it’s been a while since I wrote anything fictional, but I’m planning on slowly working through the writing blocks that have built up due to my neglect. I’ve bought 2 new books during my trip in UK so that’s a step in the right direction right?

As some of my older followers would know and recognise by now, I do tend to go through highs and lows when it comes to activity on this blog. It often reflects what’s going on in my personal life haha. But lately, the creative bug that has been out of energy seemed to have been slightly rejuvenated - my habits of hyperfixating on creative mediums is rearing its head again so I know it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m itching to write again. 

About what..? TCF is still on my mind but not as much as before since it’s been some time since I last read its chapters. Lately I’ve been reading Absolute Sword Sense and am keeping up with its chapters so far. I’ve yet to get the newest Fire Emblem game and have been doing great avoiding any and all spoilers so far - but I’m pretty sure it’ll be going on my list of series I’ll write for in the future.

My health issues are to be tackled another day because I’m frankly, quite tired of taking meds. 

As for where I wish to take the blog… hmm.. that’s really a tough decision because I’ve never really had a clear goal in mind when it comes to this blog. It was just a great space to share my thoughts on fandoms and interact with likeminded people. I don’t think I’ll be opening requests for a while since I’ve got a huge backlog of WIPs to work on. I suppose I could attempt to keep the blog less.. dead? Not sure how I’ll go about it though.

Anyways.. that’s about it. Terribly sorry for the word vomit, I hope everyone's been doing well and enjoying your life! If it seems I'm a bit dead without updates, it's usually because there aren't any chatter related inboxes haha. So is this illu's call for random stories to be dropped in their mail? Yes.

[jennilah]

Happy NYE! Every year I enjoy taking a moment to write a somewhat lengthy roundup of my year, good and bad. Its a moment for me to reflect and summarize & expand on things that in hindsight ended up being bigger moments than it felt at the time

like always, I dont want anyone to feel like you have to compare your successes to mine. I simply enjoy being an open book. I like reading other people's personal posts too ♥

This year was incredible for me. This was the year of taking back my life after covid took the last two years. Vaccinated & approaching things as safely as possible according to health guidelines, I was able to do things again, and boy what good things they were!

First off, this was the first full calendar year that I've spent in the new apartment. I swear, this accounts for at least a third of my happiness this year. I can't believe I've already lived here for over a year now, it feels like I just moved in yesterday, and yet I can't believe I dealt with my old apartment for as long as I did. Even thinking about how much that place sucked ass ruins my mood, no wonder my mental health was TANKING when I had to work from home there.

New apartment, new me. This place is incredible and I really feel like I can breathe and live how I want to. Working from home is actually nice instead of unbearable (I now work in a hybrid system, home for a few days and in-office for a few days, since I like aspects of both equally.)

First things first, right away in January I got my first VR headset and I absolutely love it to pieces. That opened up a whole new hobby for me, going into VR and exploring and making whole ass new friends in VRchat. I just think it's so fucking rad and I am so glad i bought the headset.

I then joined a new private art community (lmao that sounds so nefarious. I promise it isnt. I just get to have 1 secret, okay?) that has been so fun and really uplifted my mood at the start of the year, and it continues to be very fun! I am so glad I joined!!!

In fact, that very community helped a lot when it came to silencing my two-year-long streak of "Hell Brain", what I affectionately call the daily swirling anxious thoughts in my head that constantly echo when I dont have a special interest to occupy my daydreams. (Reminder: I am autistic! I am using the term in the autistic sense. By this point, i hadn't had a special interest/hyperfocus in years and I was having a really hard time silencing the Hell Brain on my own.)

It wasnt a perfect solution but it helped a lot, at least. It also drew me even closer to an already-close friend! bonding, yay! and I have met some really cool new people in that community too, who I really hope to keep connecting with!!

I also started to get real about my physical health, trying to eat healthier and exercise more.

Then, the summer of a lifetime began.

(First of all, I saw so many fucking movies. I love going to the movies, and I ate well this year!!! so many amazing films came out.)

I had my first salary negotiation with my bosses, and it went so well that they even asked the higher-ups for more money than I asked for. Because they were super cool, and I guess they wanted to make it very clear how much they appreciate me too. They have already made it extremely clear already how much they value my opinions and skillset, but translating that appreciation to $$ was certainly a bonus.

Then, my fucking god, Top Gun: Maverick finally came out and it has felt like a dream ever since. I couldn't believe- I still can't believe the reception it has gotten. My head is in the clouds. I'm floating. I'm every happy feeling, okay? I wonder if I will ever work on something like that again, that becomes such a worldwide phenomena like this. Completely utterly blown-away. I saw the movie 3 times in theaters myself, so I cant say I'm too shocked. I loved it too!!! I am so proud and just... amazed.

Shortly after, I got to fly home and see my family again for the first time since 2019. I made the most of it. It was one of the most fun trips home I ever had. It was even more fun that I got to see Top Gun with my parents, and I got to finally talk about it with people. It was also fun being home in the summer, hanging out outside, pool parties, BBQ... perfection. I love the vibes of summer nights.

I came back to Montreal refreshed, and then Con Season started up. Comic/Anime cons are probably my favorite events ever, and I was very sad not being able to go to any in the last two years. So it felt amazing to go back again (and buy a lotttt of nerdy stuff lmao)

I even went to a virtual convention in VR! lmao. it was super cool though!

I went to a Woodkid concert for the first time. It was incredible. It also felt like a dream. A+, would go again. Absolutely love his music.

My cousin visited me here in Montreal! That was so much fun. She's the closest thing to a sister to me, and we hadn't hung out just the two of us alone since we were kids. We went to Osheaga, my first music festival, and that whole experience was incredibly fun. It was great hanging out with her and catching up and everything, and I am so glad we got to go to the festival together.

She also helped me try weed for the first time LOL

She taught me how to properly use a bong. I have since switched to a dry-herb vaporizer, but indeed this is a new sort of hobby thing that has slotted into my life this year as well.

It has actually been quite lovely for tackling my aforementioned Hell Brain and anxiety, and also just for funsies.

Then, Prey came out, and I consider it another absolute win. Two movies I worked on that came out in the same year, that have both been critical and fan successes??!!! I am so, so happy. Will lightning strike like that again next year? We will just have to see!

Then there was a really fun street food festival that I thoroughly enjoyed for hours and hours on end. And Splatoon 3 came out, which I also enjoyed for hours and hours on end.

I definitely heavily mourned summer ending, because as you can tell, I was having a lot of fun cramming in events before the weather could turn.

But, like, that's kind of okay because I had no idea that my two year long streak of not having a special interest was about to change VERY suddenly lmao

This October I worked up the courage to really dive into slasher films, like I tried doing last year. (Last year I only really worked up the courage to watch the first Halloween, lol)

and, well, oops. you know what happened next.

(In case it isnt clear: they took hold of my brain and have been squeezing the juices out every day since october. meaning: I FINALLY have a new special interest! It's not something I choose, it's not something I plan, it just happens. and while sometimes fandom drama can wear me down, I am ultimately at my happiest when I have an active special interest. It gives me something to fill my brain, it gives me something that I am excited to draw, I have so much fun talking to other fans and enjoying memes, I discover new music, old music has new meaning again for new characters.... I missed this feeling so much. It feels so good it makes my chest feel tight, like I have butterflies in my stomach. I never know how long it will last, but it's not going away soon thats for sure)

So, I've obviously been having a lot of fun with my new blorbos and my new hobbies. Sometimes I smoke a little weed while rewatching Friday the 13th films, it's so much fun haha

Then, late November, I was accepted into the Visual Effects Society. That is more of a personal badge of honor. It's something I've been wanting to do since college, so as soon as I hit the required 5 years of industry experience I applied. I got in! I am excited to check out some of the more exclusive membership perks and events, but for the most part I am just proud of the achievement. I remember when 5 years felt like a lifetime to wait to apply.

I have been working on some more extremely cool things at work that I can't wait to share. Unfortunately I am waiting for a whopping three films to come out with a trailer. Cmon, hollywood!! You're killing me!!!!! I am so excited for those movies to come out, it's eating me alive not being able to say anything.

At least the Transformers: Rise of the Beasts trailer is out. That was a fun 'un. (But I want the trailers for the other things too!!!!)

And to round off the year, I just got back to MTL after finally spending Christmas at home with my family for the first time since 2019. That felt really special. I got to see everyone in the summer, yes, but our traditional family christmas get-together is what I look forward to every year and I was so glad to be able to do it again.

And there you have it. A much, much, much happier year than the last two.

My new year's resolution is to keep going with the physical health habits and to not fall off the wagon. It's also to keep living my life and go to more events to make next year feel just as full and eventful as this one was. Hang out with my friends more. Watch more of my silly little movies.

I'd also love to try to plan a trip outside of montreal, maybe to Toronto or something. I want to go on a real vacation trip alone again (or with friends.) I think that would be really fun!

[dausy]

Well I've been daily updating twitter ofcourse. I kind of at the last moment decided I was going to do a daily doodle thing. I did this years ago, where I drew something every day for a year. I'm not doing a full illustration this time just really simple, essentially a couple lines and thats it. Just to help the creative juices flowing. I probably wont stick it out for an entire year but I keep getting myself backed up into an artistic corner and I want to back back out of it and find a new corner. Instead while I've been doing that, I've also been using it as an excuse to update the status of my current ailment.

so essentially, I had already self-diagnosed myself with the flu but I did go ahead and made an urgent care appointment on Saturday (?). I will say that I normally get a flu shot, every year, I did not get one this year. Next year I will definitely be getting one. I definitely got this from my coworkers and theres was like 3x milder than mine. My immune system was not prepared.

I did not want to physically go to urgent care because I didn't feel safe driving. I was super short of breath and I felt very drunk (because its in my ears! my ears are messed up). Also, didn't want to sit in a waiting room when sitting up sounded like a lot of effort and besides, what is urgent care going to tell me that I dont already know? viruses are treated with rest and fluids and thats it. However, I assumed my boss was going to be on top of me for some sort of a work note even though I'm not a full time employee and I dont feel like I should need one but I had agreed to work on monday and if I called in she'd probably pitch a fit. I discovered, thanks to the local spouse groups, that there was a local mobile urgent care. They came to my house! I schedule an appointment and they came out about an hour later. The most convenient thing ever. They apparently didn't take my insurance so they charged me 179$ out of pocket but I wasn't going to complain. I didn't have to go anywhere. I could track the MA on gps and they sent me his photo so I didn't "have to be scared" lmao. It was all very nice.

I had already tested myself for covid and it was negative. I was tempted to start myself on prednisone (because I practically have an entire pharmacy at home) but HR was a good 115 and adding steroid to that sounded not fun. Normally my HR runs 60s if Im calm and 80s if Im stressed. 115 with steroids on board didn't sound like fun. My 02 was dropping to 93 when I was up and walking around but it would go back up to the high 90s. This poor MA came with a laptop that virutally connected to a PA and they were like "what do you want me to do for you?" like I guess I mainly just wanted to make sure that I was safe to be at home and I have evidence I saw some sort of healthcare person as proof.

I oddly enough didn't have much of a cough until about yesterday. I was feeling short of breath and when I did cough I'd cough gunk up but mainly it just hurt to cough but it wasn't frequent at all. Now I'm coughing alot. The worst part was the hot/cold flashes. I completely drenched the bed in sweat. I've never seen that much water come off of me. I literally touched the valley of my stomach and it was a puddle. I splished my hands in it. I would alternate between uncontrollable sweating to then freezing to death. I thought I'd be over it and I washed all my linens yesterday and then last night, just sweat everywhere. Which was annoying because I felt....nagged..?..guilttripped? to go into work today by my boss. Like I was faking it..I couldnt possibly be sick that long(my coworkers recovered in 2 days)..maybe I was crazy and I wasn't sick?

so I did! I WENT TO WORK TODAY. My coworkers were actually fine. They said they were actually surprised they handled things well without me. I'm simultaneously proud of them and really aggravated that I went in. Because I really did feel terrible. I realized real fast how weak I was and my brain was not functioning. I even gave myself the easiest roll I could where I was off in a corner away from people and I was struggling. I was struggling to walk and I was struggling to stand. My partner at work let me know how bad I looked too. I apparently looked like a frail old lady. Which was nice.

So I went home. My boss is like "wait where you going?". I guess in her defense she came equipped with a bunch of throat lozenges for me but I didn't have a sore throat. I have no energy and cant breath. So I'm going home. I dont work tomorrow btw.

[heisexhausted]

My birthday is approaching soon, December 1st. For some reason, I feel so empty? Lonely?

I have resigned from my previous job two weeks ago. Only two weeks ago but I felt like I have done nothing for so long. I like to tell myself that it’s because I am used to things constantly moving, me being occupied all the time, days passing by like rollercoasters, and these period of unemployment is getting to me because I am idle.

Or that I am alone with my thoughts? I have learned to cohabitate with my thoughts. To be cordial with it, acknowledge its presence like the old dry paint on a wall. This long period of time is making me acknowledge the presence of “it” even more, and I am uncertain on what to feel towards it.

My thoughts are rabid, disgusting, often mark with self-pity, smile, shiny eyelids, and anger to the world. Molded by the fear and confusion I endured growing up and the ever present platforms of unfairness I have to constantly battle to secure. These thoughts are harsh and insensitive. They linger like unwanted vines, delving its roots to my core until it’s camouflaged as a part of me. These thoughts are ghouls and polluted.

I like to rationalize everything by simply pushing everything down and saying I am only worried about this period of unemployment because I have bills to pay. Yes, that is the easiest reason.

This year started with me being independent. Finally having my own place, and taking the final step to adulting. I hate saying or typing the world “adulting”. Anyway, that’s how ‘22 started. Technically it started with me being in a quarantine facility because I got diagnosed with COVID on the last day of December last year. Guess fucking what, I spent New Year in some abandoned school with the rest of the infected ones. That’s too dramatic, moving on.

Prior to resigning, I have saved enough to pay my rent until the end of the year. Within two weeks, I also secured offers, and believe it or not, I even secured a job offer with 75% increase in my previous salary. Deserved is the right word, right. Kidding aside, I did fairly decent on my unemployment period. It’s just two weeks and here I am, relentless? I don’t know.

I hate not knowing things because it gives way to several doors of possibilities and there is no satisfaction with overthinking. Well, here is a dump of my thoughts. I want to enjoy this solitude. This period of floating. I want to settle in, dream of clear pink skies, murmurations in the sky, patterns drifting here and there along with my thoughts. To be consumed with peace and our poor existence.

Good night, world.

[mariska]

hello tumblr friends who live in my phone i just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know that I Am (somehow) Still Alive since i mentioned being very sick last month and did not want anyone 2 think i had finally Expired. wish i could say i'm doing better this month but while im definitely nowhere near as miserable as i was in April, i've been spending this month trying to deal with Sickness Aftershocks that have been making all of my long term autoimmune diseases/health issues in general flare up randomly really bad at pretty much completely random times and i also have a whole new fun set of similar feeling but definitely different and 100x worse physical health problems and its been extremely difficult to try and power through all of it like i'm used to doing for the 26 years i have been alive 😔 but i'm still hangin in there. idk how at this point lmao. subconscious fight or flight survival mode i guess. i'm like 99% sure i somehow caught one of the new covid mutations in April unfortunately despite the lifelong Agoraphobia and 3+ years of effort i've done to do literally everything in my ability to stay protected against it but. thats life i guess, u leave the house one or two times masked up hand sanitizer ready to go sweating from being overheated wearing clothes that cover as much of ur skin as u can stand and other people just Dont. so. i knew it would probably happen to me eventually i just was really hoping it would not! but. i will continue surviving as best i can because i dont have any other option or choice. but that is why i've unintentionally been distant here and online in general. it was already extremely difficult getting myself out of bed and taling showers and changing clothes and brushing my teeth and remembering to eat food and drink water before but now its reached a difficulty that i literally can't have any control over most of the time and its a lot of physical/mental/emotional effort to even tap reblog on a post online or respond to a text more so than it was previously. which again was already. very difficult to power through.

anyways! uh! yeah. life update i guess. i hope you guys are genuinely doing much better than i am this year and i hope you're all able to stay safe and as relatively healthy as you can. and please please please please at the very least wear some form of a face mask in public even if you're outside and not in a tiny building. i dont say that to shame anyone here i just feel like there are a lot of well meaning good people who arent fully aware that in the US at least the pandemic is very much not over and people like myself are suffering and dying because of that and we cant be the only group of people that are still doing our best to stay protected when we have to leave the house. if you're able to get some i highly recommend N95 type face masks because supposedly they offer one of the best chances of protection as long as you're wearing it correctly and it fits your face well; there's a really great non-profit organization called Project N95 that has an official website and a huge list of various face masks in a bunch of different sizes and types to order if you don't know where to find some high quality ones and they also have a form you can fill out and submit to request an order of free masks if you can't afford to buy them; their money donation pool goes towards providing masks (and some air purifiers i think?) to low income people/organizations/work places that doesn't have the funds or resources to constantly buy expensive batches of masks and their website is super detailed and well organized and has a long list of visual and written resources and information about different mask types, ways you can help keep yourself/your community safe, etc. so i highly recommend them if you are like me and are very stressed and anxious and confused about all of that information all the time. their site should be the at the top of the search results if you google N95 Project, it has a dot org site url so thats another way you can tell its the official site.

[theghostpinesmusic]

'Twas only Saturday when I ended my post on Phish's 12/30 take on "Life Saving Gun" by wondering what music I was going to write about next. Then, this afternoon, Goose managed to surprise me yet again by not only announcing their new drummer but doing so in style. While any other band would likely be content to make such an announcement with a few sentences sent out via social media, Goose made a half-hour film out of it, paired with a two-plus-hour series of practice recordings with the new drummer that we're apparently going to be able to hear in its entirety tomorrow (or now, if you make your VPN tell YouTube that you live in New Zealand, but I digress).

I've talked on here a few times about how and why Ben leaving the band has been a bummer for me personally despite my just being a normal ol' fan and I won't rehash that here, but suffice to say that some exciting news about the what the next iteration of the band is going to look (and sound) like today does a lot to reassure that these guys are still having fun and are in it for the long haul.

The video that's attached to this post is the announcement, and I got to watch about half of it when it was first posted before I had to leave to drive across town to jury duty. I was just going to come home and watch the rest afterward before it occurred to me that it might be fun to write it up on the blog as I watch it in real time for (mostly) the first time instead. See, the beginning and end of the video is both footage of the band members hanging out and doing human stuff, but the middle (and vast majority) of the video is, of course, a big jam meant, I assume, to show off the new drummer's chops and how well everyone works together.

I liked what little I heard this afternoon, for sure. It's not like it's light-years beyond the jams I've written about on here before in quality, but I also wouldn't expect it to be, as (presumably) these guys are just starting to all gel as a group. It sounds like Goose but with one of the drummers changed out for another guy who sounds fairly different than Ben to my guitarist ears, and who, as my immediate reaction, sounds like he meshes with Jeff a little better. In short, I'm even more excited now to see them in action later this year than I was before.

But, I'm getting months ahead of myself...for now, this jam.

The audio technically starts at the beginning of the video, but it gets mixed down a bit during the early, talk-y part, so I'm going to start listening for the purposes of this post at 2:55, which is where the footage changes to the band playing together in an empty theater (COVID livestream flashback warning).

They're already mid-groove here, but my immediate thought is that Cotter feels like he has a lighter/jazzier touch when playing than Ben does, and at the same time is maybe...busier? Like, in a good way for sure, but he's all over the place, mostly on the snare and cymbals. I don't want to make this or any other post about whether the old guy or the new guy is "better," but this initial section is one of the parts of the jam where the differences seem the most obvious to me.

I'm also about 75% more likely to lose my shit over a Goose jam that has Peter on guitar just in general, so there's that.

Early on here, I also feel like you can hear Jeff better than usual and that he's playing...more? Either this is an effect of the sound mix, or an effect of his pairing with a new drummer, or, I guess, both? Hard to say without being able to read Jeff's mind, which I can't do. Regardless, I like it.

I'm not sure when Peter layers the synth on top of the funk, but I heard it at first at 4:55.

The first phase of the jam starts and continues on in this funk vein for awhile: like I said above, it's not really a sonic revolution for the band, but they all sound extremely locked in, and Cotter is definitely adding his own flair to the proceedings rather than just holding down the beat.

Maybe it's just that I'm listening through really good headphones instead of a soundbar or speakers, but I feel like this audio mix is somehow better than Euro Tour or Goosemas. Nobody move any dials until after summer, please...

Anyway, there's a neat drum fill at 6:45 (can't see who plays it) and that seems to shift the tenor of the jam a bit. Things get spacier, and Peter starts laying down some arpeggios that meld nicely with what Rick is playing. The drums stay busy behind this, which is an interesting choice, but also don't override the melody instruments.

At some point, Rick changes the (shrugs helplessly in layman)...mode? Scale? And something also Santana-sounding starts emerging. The percussion - from both guys - around 9:00 is just fantastic. Peter jumps on the wah pedal just after 10:00, adding a fun bit of chaos just as the jam is seemingly lurching toward a peak. Rick gets there around 11:54 and follows up shortly after by holding a note for a bit and then adding some really distorted shredding before bringing things back down/transitioning into the next space at 13:11.

Here, it feels like Trevor is the one holding things down while everyone else gets their bearing for a minute. Around 13:50, everyone coalesces around a mellow progression and blissful tone that allows Trevor to continue to stand out while Peter and Rick fill in around the edges.

While the first two sections of this long jam are great, like I've already said they don't sound terribly different than lots of other Goose jams. I dig them because they serve as a way to showcase Cotter's skills and because it's ten minutes of new Goose music. But this third section is where things really start to open up. If I heard this at a show, I'd be talking about it the whole way home. The great, five-person interplay at the beginning, the patience with which they all collectively build from quiet to loud...it's fantastic, and one of those things you hope to get to hear every time you buy a ticket for a show.

I mean, Trevor starts moving at 17:00, and when Trevor physically moves at all, you know it's a good jam.

For what it's worth, I absolutely love what Cotter's doing basically from 17:30 until he switches the beat up at 18:48. This pushes the jam much more aggressively toward another peak, but you won't hear me complaining. Rick takes the band up and over the mountain from there, and I loved the camera switch to Peter at 20:43 just as he hammers a huge chord to drive the point home. Always eager to make Phish comparisons as if that's somehow derogatory, a lot of people online were making fun of this for sounding too much like a "Harry Hood" jam, but to me if it sounds like anything it's how Goose often jams when covering the Dead's "Mississippi Half-Step."

I would have been more than happy to have the band fade out after this monster section, but Rick immediately jumps into something a little darker and spacier as the rock fades out, and so...we keep going.

I'm glad the camera switches over to Cotter at 22:25 because the fill he plays a few times here is just great for the situation. Peter adding the xylophone patch to the mix is the perfect choice and while this doesn't turn into full-on Evil Goose, it's neat to see the new configuration explore a darker space after the major-key madness that just crashed to a conclusion.

Again, here, this kind of jam space isn't something that Goose as a band are strangers to, or are exploring for the first time, but the percussion in particular definitely feels different from the heavy, crashing "Dripfield"-y playing that has characterized most of these kinds of jams in the past. Your mileage might vary, and I'm certainly not interested in casting this as better or worse, but it's different in an exciting way.

As I'm listening to this section of the jam, I just decided that I'm going to start rating Jeff's shirts as part of these write-ups, and this one is a 10/10. Kicking things off on a high note!

Peter switches from the xylo patch to a chrous-y piano-like tone starting around 27:00, which pushes the jam subtly if not overtly in a new direction. I hate to use this word unironically, but it makes it sound more...epic? I guess? I mean, I definitely like it. This has a momentum and drive to it that I don't often hear in this way in Goose jams. Talk about ending with bang!

I enjoy how much the camera focuses on Cotter just absolutely losing his goddamn mind in these last three or so minutes before the music fades out and the video wraps up.

Well, I wrote a hell of a lot more about that jam than I expected to, but as it turns out there was a lot of interesting stuff to listen to. Looking forward to whatever comes next, for sure!

Maybe some Phish stuff later this week from me?

[officialkatie]

just putting a long vent under a read more (i hope)

i should have guessed that after a week of sleeping well (bc sick) i wouldn’t be able to sleep. also i hate my monday class. i have 10 left but god at what cost its completely unbearable and the professor is one of the reasons i dont want to teach anymore. how could you say to people going to school to be a teacher “youre gonna be so stressed and good luck bc it sucks”

i know i dont want to be a teacher anymore and im finishing my degree to get the job i DO want. but at the same time i dont want any job. i hate working. how do people do it. how has my high school italian teacher taught in the same place for 51 years and still going? how does he not feel defeated? i havent even started a Real Job yet and i hate it. i havent had a moments peace or a day without something looming over me since ever. since at least before covid. but then that added ANOTHER thing to loom over me that will never go away.

i hate that i have to have a checklist in my mind of all the things i have to do before i graduate. it should be easy!

-finish classes

-student teach

-get certification

but its NOT that easy. bc in order to finish classes thats this semester. thats 10 more sucky mondays with an awful professor in which i also have to observe 15 hours at a school (on top of the 100 required hours i already did, im not currently in a school and i didnt know about this and we were all so pissed and just another reason i hate this professor), 1 more week of incredibly intensive classes which GREAT! more time for the stinky class. 9 more tuesdays bc the schedule is so weird, all while working part time and doing homework and figuring out student teaching and having personal responsibilities and a relationship and maintaining my health. its no wonder im sick. then once the semester is over its work work work. bc i cant work while i student teach. no break for katie. i have to focus on holidays and pretending to care about people who cant even remember my birthday. its not that hard to remember. i remember all of yours so whats up with that. then i go to orientation for student teaching and then i do it. i dont know where yet! bc i have to email the man who’s been screwing me over every step of the way (another thing for the to do list). and once a week while i student teach i go to a seminar class. a new update to the academic schedule means my class could end at 10:40 pm. who does that. i live an hour away from campus. if my class ends at 10:40 im going to fail. then i do that for “75” days (in quotes bc there’s not even 75 school days in the spring semester yet thats my requirement?) and then i graduate. should be easy peasy. then i go to the real word and back to my part time job while i look for real job so i can move out and live with the one person who gets me and doesnt make me feel bad for living. and we’re gonna have a great life together but thats another to do list. find an apartment find a job move pay rent pay utilities try not to kill yourself make friends even though you’re socially inept ever since leaving college and your social life is in shambles. eat healthy.

im literally a mess and im so congested and i hate not sleeping and this is just making it worse. i have james taylor in my head and my stomach hurts so bad bc i ate like shit today. i wish i could turn off my brain and i tried using headspace app and thats another thing. i updated my student status and they sent me a confirmation. yet charged me for full price. and you cant even unsubscribe yourself. you need to email someone and so i did and they sent me back “we got ur email! sorry we’re taking so long:(((“ and charged me with a full smile on their stupid faces. if i can figure out how to rip from that app you bet your asses i will

i really need a break.

i feel so bad getting this degree and its not bc im wasting my own money. my parents are paying and they’re so supportive and dont care that id rather do something education-adjacent and my boss at my part time job says she’d be so happy to have me while i figure my shit out after graduation. all i have to do is drag my lifeless body across the stage at graduation. i have a part time job after that and i wont be tackling things alone after that. i have good references and im qualified for the job i want. all i have to do is get there but its SO HARD and i can’t stop thinking about how much its going to take to get me there. its like looking at a number line. sure YOU see the whole number integers but to me there’s a universe in between 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5. im trying so hard to not get caught up in those universes but man does that take brain capacity i do not possess.

if i have to work forever into an endless oblivion im going to hit myself in the face with a brick. i love having days off and going to museums and walking through the park and going around to coffee shops and record stores and just enjoying life. if my quality of life enjoyment is diminishing NOW what will it be like when i have to go to work every day instead of having off two days a week for school and to catch up on life?? am i doomed to be boring and hate life?? how can i live if i cant LIVE? (2 am drama,everyone.) the thought of taking “personal days” seems like hell to me. i just dont want to work on a schedule like that. i can give 10000% at work its been seen its been done but i control the schedule right now. take that away and it’s over

at least my dog barking at 2 am did not wake me up. i am already up sir and i feel like my butt is on fire. and my legs are so restless.

and another thing? he’s barking bc my sister is coming home. ever since she moved back home things are worse for me. she’s so messy and i am so not and it really gets under my skin and overwhelms me. and she is inconsiderate of other people and takes my stuff. why do i have to parent my older sister. doesnt she know she’s building up my resentment for her. i dont want to spend time with her and my mom looooves to guilt me about it bc of her relationship with her sister. but then she and my dad go and mumble under their breath about how they cant wait for her to finish her masters thesis (not gonna happen,im gonna graduate with my masters before her and she’s two years older than me and has been working on thesis for 3+ years now) and leave bc she’s turning our house into a trainwreck. why cant she just live with her boyfriend who is (to me) deadbeat. nice guy but like i dont even know what his job is? is there one? (also not fair to him bc the standards for partners in my family have been set verrry high: see above future roommate. he is universally adored while sister bf? jury is still out. also i maintain that my sister is a homewrecker. i guess both figuratively and literally at this point.)

anyways my tumblr is getting laggy so i guess thats my sign to end this. im sure that i will not sleep.

[makeatune]

2022 Wrapped.

Happy New Year everyone! With the holiday season wrapping up, I wanted to recap on all things Make A Tune last year:

SOREUM

Musically, I got the metal out of my system with a 4 track Djenty EP, with riffs that had been hanging about in musical purgatory ever since I acquired my 7 String guitar.

A classic musician trope is being too precious with ideas, waiting too long, and never putting them out into the world.

The ep has my first attempts of adding synths and sounds outside of just guitar bass drums into a metal song.

The song that came together the best for me was “Gatekeeper”. Not only was it my favourite riff, but the lyrics of the song are very much about what “make a tune” is conceptually.

GATEKEEPER MV

My second DIY music video, shot on iPhone, where I used multiple takes of myself whilst keeping the phone in the same place, then editing them together to look like a band lol. I made something similar at the end of 2021 when I recorded 3 songs in one take, 4 times (bass, guitar 1, guitar 2, vocals) to create a sort of fake but real live show. This was easier as it was just for the visual purpose. Still worked out pretty well for a budget of Zero!

MAKE A TUNE CONTENT

I know, I know. It is what it is. Everyone calls it content, to the point where I think it’s either lost its pretentiousness or it’s just eaten all other possible words around it. Anyway, there was a few interesting things on YouTube.

My baritone video did really well. I guess it was a new guitar that must have peaked a lot of people’s interest. I really enjoyed hearing people’s thoughts and engaging in the comments with questions people had. Whilst I definitely don’t have the credentials to be a product review guy, I think if there’s anything new things I pick up this year, I will put more effort into sharing my thoughts on it.

MAKE A VLOG

I didn’t do as many KPop metal covers this year, mainly as I was working on Soreum. My first venture into mixing my metal riffs with KPop was inspired by Dreamcatcher in 2020, when Scream showed up in my timeline and opened my ears to the possibility. This year they have inspired me to grow the channel in a different way: by documenting my journeys seeing them live!

BEATS AND PIECES:

Even with all the travel, it wasn’t till last month that I actually got Covid for the first time! I WORKED THROUGH LOCKDOWN 2020 AS AN ESSENTIAL WORKER AND EVERYTHING, SO ANNOYING!

Anyway, whilst I self isolated, I got to do a project that I had wanted to do for a while. Similar to what I said before about my metal riffs, I have built up so many little musical projects that were gonna sit there doing nothing on my hard drive. So I went through a bunch, picked a mix of genres, filled them out, and released them as instrumentals in an album called Beats and Pieces. Are they all bangers? Nope! But it’s a good starting point to hear where I’m at as a total novice producer trying new things, seeing what works, what resonates with people. It also serves as a good way to free myself for this year.

2023

I literally have no idea, AND ITS AWESOME!

SOREUM got the metal out my system, Beats and Pieces got all the little half ideas and experiments out there. I feel like I have a blank canvas with no lingering projects I need to finish off.

I want to make something fresh, something that doesn’t exist yet not even as an idea or a humming tune in my head, or a specific genre of music that I always said I would do. I’m just going to make the music I feel like making there and then, and go for it!

Content wise I think I might go back to live streaming, but just on YouTube not twitch. I think I can engage with an audience more if there’s no definite goal with the tune making. Like if I was live streaming producing SOREUM it would have been very dull, messing up, taking no suggestions, getting frustrated at not achieving the exact thing I’m wanting to do. But freestyle music making with people suggesting ideas could be a lot of fun!

That’s it from me, thanks for everyone showing interest in my weird little musical world. Here’s to another year of good times and good tunes!

Much love

Scott

[chaos-coming]

I hate looking up anything about my endometriosis it is so dysphoric and triggering bc there are exactly zero places on the internet that use non feminized language like SHUT UP about women with endometriosis their experiences are actually irrelevant to my condition as proven by my surgeon who wouldnt listen that being on hrt would change my post op experience and its not the same as menopausal women

[twink-between-worlds]

honey whiskey chapter 6

okok hi sorry ive literally been recovering from covid that i didnt even know i had for a while um so its really short

relationships; four & legend, wind & four, wind & legend

ao3 link; x

It’s been days since Four gave him the new binds. Four doesn’t seem to have told anyone—but they also won’t leave Legend’s side. They just…won’t. Legend doesn’t mind it. Not at all, it’s actually nice having company. “You seem troubled.”Four stated bluntly, poking Legend’s face gently. “What’s up?” “A lot.” The two sat in a short silence, before Four grinned a bit. “You…uh…you wanna elaborate?” “No, but I guess I should, shouldn’t I?” “You don’t have to, but I’d like to know what’s bothering you.” “...so, you obviously know my secret, and probably what it means right?” “Right.” “Well…my sister and I are telepathic. We can communicate through that when I’m on adventures—so that we know we’re both safe. Explanation over, time for the problem; we can’t hear each other. Styla told me about it in the letter, but Fable can’t hear me and I can’t hear her.” “..oh. That sounds bad.” “It is. We’ve been keeping in touch during every single one of my adventures except this one. She worries about me if she doesn’t have a way to talk to me, yanno?” “Can’t she send letters?” “We don’t trust the messenger.” “Ah? Okay then.”Four blinked, then hummed. “So, telepathy. Does it only work between you two?” “Pretty sure, yeah.”Legend nodded. “We’ve been able to do it since we were nine. It’s…weird that we can’t. Weird that I didn’t even notice.” “Hm..any way to fix it?” Legend paused, then gave Four a very unimpressed look. “If I knew, do you think I would be stressing over it?” “..fair point. Look, we can—we can fix this. Just…give me some time, I have plenty of books to sort through, alright?” “And you're certain you’ve got anything on telepathy?” “Oh, absolutely!”Four reassured, then faltered and glanced at Legend. “Hey does…does anyone else know about..?”They trailed off, gesturing to Legend’s back. “No. Not even anyone in my era.” “..don’t you think you should tell someone else? I’m amazing with secrets, so long as Red doesn’t spill them.” .. “Red would spill it?” “Only myself, Blue and Violet can keep secrets. Red…we love her, but she fucking sucks.” “Hm. Great.”Legend mumbled sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Hey—be nice, we won’t let her say anything, okay? If she does…”Four trailed off, then held their hand out, pinky finger sticking out. “If Red spills your secret—you can spill ours. Okay?” “...are you sure? That feels wrong..” “We’re sure. Look, it wouldn’t be fair on you if she accidentally spilled your secret, so it’s only fair that you can spill ours if it happens.” “O…kay.”Legend sighed, hooking his pinky finger with Four’s. “Okay.” “Great. Now, about this telepathy issue..” Wind isn’t usually a super suspicious person. He knows how to respect boundaries and all, but.. Something’s wrong with Legend, he’s sure of it! And Wind is a good brother, so he wants to know what’s bothering the veteran. And so, that night, he met up with the one member of the chain that knows all and sees all; Four. “What’s up, sailor?”Four hummed, flipping the page of the book voi had. “You watch people a lot,”Wind stated, giggling when Four looked surprised. “Yes, we’ve all noticed. You’re a bit weird, but aren’t we all? Anyways! I’m sure you’ve noticed that something’s wrong with Legend, right? Any ideas on what it is?” Four fell quiet for a bit, before finally beginning to speak. “One, watching people isn’t weird, not when all of you are armed. And…yes, I’ve noticed, but we have to keep in mind that Legend has been through a lot more than any of us. There will be times where he seems upset, or off, because of that fact. There is not much we will be able to do for him.” Wind paused, processed it, then pouted and squinted his eyes. “You didn’t look at me during that whole explanation. Are you lying to me?” “No, I’m not lying. Eye contact makes me uncomfortable, is all.” “Oh.”Wind blinked. “Sorry.” “It’s alright.” “So…Legend is just upset over his adventures?”Wind frowned, sighing when Four nodded. “There’s no way to help?” “It seems like he secludes himself whenever he has these moments, so the only way we can help is by leaving him alone.” “Oh,”Wind deflated, resting his chin on his hand. “That sucks..” “Everyone copes differently.”Four shrugged loosely. Something clicked in Wind’s mind, and his emerald eyes lit up. “I need to figure out everyone’s coping methods!” “Hm? Why is that?” “Duh, so I can help!”Wind grinned. “Four, how do you cope?” “Um. I have plenty of methods, and while I appreciate the sentiment, I don’t need help.” “Aw, okay. Thank you for the help!”Wind pouted, but nodded in defeat as he got up and began to leave. He chose not to comment on the fact he noticed Four reading a book about telepathy. Walking over to Legend, he also chose to ignore Four advice to leave Legend alone—because that’s mean! “Hi Legend.” “Uh…hey Wind.”Legend blinked, glancing down at Wind. “...why are you in a tree?” “Why aren’t you?”Legend cracked a grin, causing Wind to laugh. Wind simply stared up after he calmed, taking in the sight. It’s dark, even darker in that tree—and Legend’s eyes are glowing. Two glowing eyes, one golden and one pink. It’s creepy and cool at the same time. “If Four’s eyes didn’t seem to change colour, and if Twilight’s eyes weren't yellow, I’d say your eyes are weird.”Wind decided to announce, causing Legend to hum gently. “Rancher’s eyes are yellow?” “You hadn’t noticed?”Wind blinked, then nodded. “His eyes are yellow! Kinda like one of your eyes but more…yellow. Yours kinda looks gold…” “Probably just a trick of the light.” “Yeah.” “...wanna come up?”Legend grinned, extending a hand out to Wind. The sailor quickly nodded, getting up to his feet and allowing the veteran to pull him up into the tree.

[myloveandlifeinlajolla]

It’s good to know that this still helps some people/Being MIA / Update

I haven’t been on Tumblr for some time.  Honestly, life is just so busy that it’s hard to find the time to sit and write.  

A little update then.  My sisters are doing great.  My youngest is still taking classes remotely from La Jolla and says she has no desire to go back to NY.  .  She lives at the La Jolla house with my grandparents.  I think she really enjoys hearing all the stories of dad and mom.  She get’s questions all the time about boiys, classes, why don’t I date, all the usual stuff.  The Coronado house we bought for them is just a rental now and dad keeps it.  My mIddle sister is going around Europe right now and has been having a blast.  We went out for a week to visit her.  I have completely forgot what it’s like to travel. Como and Niece were so amazing.  It was a much needed break because I have been living in a book for the past year.  My first year went well but very tough.  It took me a while to get my head back into study mode.  And honestly pulling 6am to 1am days get’s very old very quickly.  I used to drink quite a bit of tea but I have been living off of coffee, cappuccinos, and yes the total basic pumpkin when its out.  I am finding I like living in the bay area much more than visiting.  There is a small cafe I like to study at but it’s a bit of a drive/walk called, cafe Trieste.  There is something amazing in this city for everyone.  The big festivals are fun and a great way to experience parts of the city.  Dad is moving his boat up here and has found a new passion in road-bikes and crossfit. I can’t say I mind I haven’t seen his legs look that good in a long time and the lifting has totally boosted his libeato.  Ugh... rar it’s been fun for sure.  The business has been amazing right during the last 2 years.  I guess that’s a good thing that came from covid. And, it forced me to make a concrete move on my career.  

The new house is just about done it’s stunning and I never thought I would go for an older style house but I fell in love with this one.  The floors are white oak, there is wainscoting everywhere, The kitchen is amazing,  Anyways, that’s done. Were moved in.  Dad has the top floor pretty much to himself.  (and me).  His study is absolutely amazing and I find myself using it alot more than him.  

Dad and I are still great.  We are not nearly as careful as we were in San Diego.  Here people assume that I am either his trophy wife or and escort.  I don’t really hang out with people from school and I’m not a party animal as much as I used to be; only when Catie comes up.  IT was fun we took Catie out when she came to visit and Dad knew she knew but it was like the first time that he didn’t pretend anything was going on.  He greeted her like normal and then he came back to the loveseat and sat back right next to me and put his arm around me and let me put my hand on his thigh....wow there big steps!  He’s been working out doing HIIT, Crossfit, and riding and it has made him really fit I didn’t mind when he lost his abs because honestly so did I but now his shoulders are huge, his lats look like he’s been swimming again.  His calves look like his legs swallowed a grapefruit.  Ugh it just makes me want to jump his bones everytime were together.  The sex has been incredible, I have been joining him in the shower again like I haven’t since my college days and I’m not saying I have the motivation for a bj every morning but he definitely gets alot more of them.  He’s still super soft in bed and sometimes I still have to take charge but man he’s still got it.  There was one Saturday i woke up early (for me) he was in the shower and I was still sore from the last night but I went in and started my thing and he came, then had me on the bed again which was great but I was still oozing from last night and he just straight re arranged my guts, I swear I could feel  him under my stomach.  I came so many times, I oozed all day!  Let;s just the move has been great for our sex life and relationship.  

The other day I had the privilege of talking to a new follower.  

myloveandlifeinlajolla Hi, and thanks for the reblogs. I love yours as well. I try to say hi to everyone that stops by. Anyways, have a good day!

- Oh wow, that is so kind of you 🌸🫧 Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing glimpses of your life with such clarity. That truly means a lot and somehow makes a lot of difference! It‘s encouraging to read your story and I am grateful that you speak up about it. Thank you so much being!

myloveandlifeinlajolla Are you involved in it?

-No, I‘m not. Coming from a different niche. I have experienced what many people call child abuse. And while there are some effects that have been causing long lasting damage, which definitely have been frightening and scarring me emotionally, there were plenty of moments filled with immense pleasure even as a young child. What I perceived to be the most traumatizing was the social mindset and tabooing of sexuality in children. As there is no open and public discussion about it, there is no opportunity to integrate a healthy sexuality into a young persons life, causing all sorts of dilemma and everyone pointing the finger at the other. It‘s truly agonizing to me to watch this happen, as this leads to preventable harm being caused. Children are humans too and denying that won‘t eradicate their sexuality, even if it is different from adult sexuality. You sharing your story opens up a discussion about different forms of sexuality in a non-judgmental way. I‘d love to see this happen more often, which is why your blog has got such an important impact on me. Deeply appreciate you for that

myloveandlifeinlajolla I am so glad I can help. If you want to talk to me about this stuff Id love to hear your story.

myloveandlifeinlajolla It's so complicated. Everyone is slightly different and I understand the desire to protect younger children because honestly most have no idea what they are doing, have bad judgement etc... Take me for example If i knew we going to end up like this I would have been active as early as I could . like I knew what kissing was and that's sex was a thing adults did who loved each other. I had a very elementary understanding of the concept. I'm not sure if my understanding would have changed with more conversations or exposure to it.

-Oh I would love to stay in touch. It means a lot being able to talk about such matters openly! I haven’t introduced myself yet, I‘m Shelley 🌸

-I‘m quite busy at the moment which is why I can’t fully jot down my story now. It‘s difficult to do as well, because I‘m struggling with memory barriers. My flashbacks are incoherent and rather physical (so next to no visuals and no clear story). It’s happened inside the family including stepfathers (I had more than one). What I do remember clearly is that I had quite a flirty relationship with my last stepfather. We would go on dates (dinner, movie night, I smoked my first cigarette with him, he promised me to take me overseas). That was in full awareness of my mother. I loved him. I was in love with him. I still dream of sleeping with him. We did not have sex in those days of my teenage years and I cannot recollect for my life if it was him I don’t had sexual encounters as a child or someone else. I am mourning missed opportunities I could have had with him, but I also build myself anew. I brokered contact with him at 17. I’m 23 now. I‘m yearning for his touch as much as I am relieved to have started a life of my own. It‘s no clear lines, I cannot tell what is right or wrong. I‘ve been coming to terms with the fact that essentially I was in a three way relationship with my mother and stepfather. Watching them have sex as a child. Was it dreams that involved me in those encounters or was it real - I honestly do not know. But I did feel pleasure at times. I cannot tell whose hands it were that introduced me to my clitoris. That tingling sensation, the overwhelming pleasure that made me addicted and ready to submit to whatever would promise me such a feeling again. There were chocking hands and bathtub water. A red penis to be swallowed. I know not many believe in that, but I was fully capable of squirting and causing huge wet spots after hours of being brought to the edge as a child. All of this also made me an outsider among my peers, because I soon figured out I could not talk about such things. Either because I was seen as a dramatic liar or because it would disturb and harm others.

-I‘m sorry for some of the unfitting words. Autocorrect wanted to have a say as well 😅

-I so lace what you have been saying in your second message! It really is complicated! I can totally see the desire to protect a young being as well! I‘m just wondering, if that is possible by completely sheltering and isolating them from sexuality. In my journey to understand my life I have stumbled across a book called Emotional Flow: A Holistic Approach To Healing Sadism. I’ve found some view points in that book to be quite thought provoking, as it was mentioning other cultures in which children as young as 3 years old, that also grew up uns village, were being allowed to live in seperate shelters with other kids their age. It would be totally normal for them to explore and engage in there sexuality. At their pace. Among their age. The book stated that apparently that village had a crime rate next to none. I do not know, if that is true, or a bit skewed, but it would be interesting to explore. It goes on to mention that in our society that would be difficult to introduce as so many are quite rigid, which is also a sign of unhealed wounds. But the author mentions that there are sage ways in which adults may even engage sexually with very young children, if they were only shown how to properly do it without causing the pain, which is what is traumatizing. I also do not know how ideal of an idea that is. But again worth talking about. In this sentiment I am not surprised at all to hear you say that your relationship with your father was on your mind so early. Please know there are people out there who can meet you at your level without any judgement or overindulgent reaction. Would love to hear from you again. Sending my love out to you 💕☘️🐬 -I so agree with your last message* 

myloveandlifeinlajollawould you mind if I posted our conversation? I always keep people anon.

-No, would not mind at all :)

[writing-in-april]

Any Iteration

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader is nervous that this new iteration of her won’t be something Spencer will like.

A/N: This is my first fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! If you want another fic with nipple piercings check out my first smut ever- Surprise Pretty Boy. It’s also based on this request that my amazing girlfriend @spencers-dria gave me- also please go send her some love she just tested positive for covid 🥺 Also again thank you all for 1250 followers- I can’t believe this is my 4th follower celebration!! I’m planning to continue to do them every time I hit another milestone (every 250) however- if I hit one while I’m doing my 30 fics in 30 days for April I’m going to find an alternative way to celebrate besides my usual 7 fics in 7 days- let me know what y’all would be open too (maybe a bunch of fic rec lists or maybe a writing contest 🤷‍♀️ idk send me an anon if you have an opinion on what would be the best option!) Thanks for reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Non specific dom, Nose piercing (F), Nipple Piercings (F), Lots of nipple play, Unprotected sex, Slight bit of cockwarming at the end

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Spencer wasn’t one to get angry about anything, disappointment or frustrations were the most extreme negative feelings that he normally felt towards someone that had wronged him. I was dreadfully afraid to see the look of disappointment on Spencer’s face.

We hadn’t been dating for long, only about three months of official dating. We also hadn’t gotten much further than a heated makeout session so he wouldn’t have seen any of the other piercings I had hidden under my shirt.

I had other piercings that weren’t visible to the naked eye that didn’t help quelling the fear that I felt. He had never taken off my shirt before as we had decided to go at a relatively slow pace in our relationship. I wondered in fear if he would also be disappointed with the barbells that were pierced through both of my nipples or- would he like them because they were not as prominent as the ring that was proud on my face.

I had said I’d meet him at his apartment to watch some Dr. Who and eat whatever take out we were feeling like that night. My nerves were lit with worry as I stood in the elevator after he had buzzed me up.

When he opened the door to his apartment to let me in I held my head slightly down as I walked in not wanting to have the conversation about the nose ring while I was in the hallway.

“Do you like it?” The words slipped out immediately when I turned to face him, not even letting him get a good look at me before speaking, my voice meek.

“Like what?” He was still confused, until I pointed to the ring that was pierced through my nose. “Oh- of course I love it!”

“Thanks, Spencer.” I fidgeted with my fingers a little still feeling nervous even though he had said he loved it.

“Why do you look so nervous?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.” My admission made Spencer frown and silence fell between us for a second while he pondered my words.

“I’d love any iteration of you.” There was no hesitation when he spoke. He always had such a way with words, including when he was ranting and of course his stuttering when he was embarrassed or nervous. His eyes were wide with adoration as if he’d never consider thinking you were anything less than gorgeous.

A rush of boldness came through me, wanting to show him what else I had hidden. My fingers danced along the hem of my shirt, maybe this was moving a bit faster than what we had spoken about earlier. But, I wanted to show him, to either let it lead to something more or to let him know what he was looking forward to when we made that step at a later date.

“Well- if you like this one I have another piercing that you might enjoy…” My voice was still holding a bit of tension, he may have liked the nose ring- but would he like the others?

When I pulled off my top his eyes went wide, his pupils expanding into black pools, he did not stop me. Then when my bra went off finally exposing the barbells that sat under my clothes everyday he was stunned speechless. I withered a bit under his gaze, fearing that my boldness had scared him. “I’m sorry if that was too much.”

He cut me off by speaking quickly, “N-not too much- just ummm- shocked??”

“Do you like them Spencer?” My confidence had returned a bit since he had confirmed that he did in fact, like them, but I still was holding back a bit.

When he gasped out a little ‘yes’ I decided to stop holding back, stepping closer towards him.

“You can touch them Spencer, that’s part of the reason why I got them.” I leaned in to press a soft ghost of a kiss to the shell of his ear making him shudder, I then whispered, “it makes them more- sensitive.”

A groan from deep in Spencer’s chest rose up quickly taking me by slight surprise. His large hands then rose up to finally palm my breasts, his hesitation had been whisked away by my words.

When he was no longer satisfied with palming my boobs he reached up with one hand to pinch my left nipple slightly. The slight sting sent a shock of pleasure down my spine in an instant, my panties dampening further in quick response.

A moment of silence passed, the tension suspended thick and heavy in the air before Spencer spoke, “Did you like that?”

I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I still answered with a slight whimper in my voice, “Yes!”

The confident smirk on his face was something I hadn’t seen much of from Spencer, but I was thoroughly enjoying it. He pinched them both this time- and much harder too. The moan I let out was almost pornographic which spurred Spencer on to continue to pinch them, rolling the buds between his fingers before pulling again.

When he moved forward to wrap his lips around one of my nipples I felt like I had gone to heaven. As he laid kisses all along my chest I couldn’t help but try to grind my hips up into him, however I couldn’t from the position I was in.

I was tired of not being able to touch Spencer in the way I wanted, I wanted to give him some pleasure too. I pulled his mouth off of me momentarily so I could push him down to sit on the couch to be able to straddle him properly. He had whined a bit in protest at first, but when my legs that were now stripped of their clothing slung over his lap his complaint died in his throat.

My core rested right over the prominent bulge in his slacks now. I smirked cheekily a little bit before grinding down onto him.

His lips captured my nipple again, this time the one that had been slightly neglected. This time he also decided to bite his teeth down slightly and nibble a little.

“Harder, please!” I gasped as I continued to rock my hips over his clothed cock. He thankfully obliged me by taking my perked nipple and slightly sawed it back and forth between his teeth. The pleasure that came through me from his actions far outweighed the pain, the moan that came falling from my lips was a sign of that.

A squeak then fell from my lips as I was suddenly lifted up and then set on my back. I guess he had gotten impatient from my teasing.

“You’re needy.” I commented with a smirk. He had been unbuttoning his pants when I spoke, but paused when the words came out of my mouth. He then pinned my hands above my head with one of his own and dipped the other between my folds.

“Who’s really the needy one here?” I definitely liked the little taste I was getting of this side of Spencer, that was firmly evident by the amount of slickness was evident on his fingers when he brought them up to my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his fingers eagerly before he could pull them away bobbing my head as much as I could in my constricted position pinned underneath him.

“Fuck-“ He swore which was another normally uncharacteristic thing for Spencer, it spoke to his own neediness. Though I could not make a remark about it as his fingers were still far down my throat.

When he removed his fingers he also lessened his grip on my hands that had been pinned. I wiggled out of his grip to help him get his slacks out of the way. I didn’t care if I was needy as he had said, I was tired of the teasing and my arousal was so prominent I could feel it dripping down my thighs.

He didn’t need any preparation either, his erection looking almost a little painful. ThoughI was more caught up with observing how beautiful he looked- which wouldn’t normally be the adjective someone would use, but it perfectly described Spencer’s cock.

He filled me slowly, letting me feel every vein and letting himself feel every ridge. After he filled me all the way to the hilt he stopped for a moment, just to relish in the feeling of being impatient. I however was too impatient.

“Please move, Spencerrrr…”

“And you say you’re not the needy one…” He commented with another smirk that was now becoming a staple on his face, I never wanted it to leave. I moved my own hips, squirming underneath him to try to coax him into moving.

When he finally obliged me by snapping his hips quickly up into me I couldn’t help but involuntarily make a desperate moan.

It wasn’t long until he had created a steady rhythm along with me. The pace we had set wasn’t rushed, but was still desperate in a way. His thrusts were deep and quick, but he always paused a minute moment at the end of each thrust to appreciate me fully.

Our hands couldn’t stop exploring each other while he kept up our pace. From the amount of time Spencer was lingering to play with my boobs you’d think he was obsessed, maybe he was just a little. He also made sure to pepper kisses all along my neck, jaw, and face. He even made an effort to kiss the tip of my nose, making everything much more sweet.

I however had decided to rest my hands on his hips and ass, sometimes pushing him forward slightly when I felt our pace faltering slightly. When he started to pick up the pace I could feel my pleasure starting to come to its peak. I was going to fall over the edge soon and fast.

“I’m gonna cum!” I gasped, almost so whispley that it was barely sensical. Spencer was able to still understand my words, pitching his hips to hit at my sweet spot more intensely. Then he moved his dexterous fingers down across my boobs pinching my nipple on last time before he spoke,

“Go ahead, I want you to cum for me.”

My hands wound their way into his hair trying to grasp onto something as my orgasm washed over me in waves of pleasure. Spencer too wasn't too far behind, his own triggered as my walls clamped down tightly around him. We rode out our highs together, our heavy breaths mingling in harmony as we started to come down.

Spencer’s gaze was still heavily fixated on my body as we both caught our breath again. His eyes were glanced down at my naked chest, pupils still wide with wonder as he got to fully take in the sight without being clouded by lust. I couldn’t help but want to tease him a little.

“Hey, my eyes are up here, mister.” I said cheekily, though I could tell that he had definitely missed my joke by the look on his face.

“Sorry!” His little squeak was adorable and he started to move his way off of me with averted eyes until I stopped him.

“Spencer- I was joking.” The smile that was prominent on my face then morphed into a coy look. I moved my hands down to cup my own boobs before continuing while I pinched my nipples like he had done, “You’ve got permission to look anytime you want.”

His shoulders slumped a little as they always did when he was relieved, I was happy to see his own smile back matching mine.

We had no desire to move from our position, at least for a little while until I had to get up to clean myself. But, I was content to bask in bliss with Spencer for a while.

He brought me out of my thoughts by booping the tip of my nose with his pointer finger, my nose scrunching up a little in response. I giggled a little bit, moving my own pointer finger up to boop his own cute little button nose.

“Maybe you’d also look good with a nose ring.” He snorted loudly into my ear, making another fit of giggles erupt from me. At least this time my joke was caught by Spencer.

“Maybe so, but no. I’d like it better on you anyway.” His goofy little smile brought me such joy. In hindsight I should have never worried about Spencer loving my piercings, he’d think I was beautiful no matter what iteration I was. The little kiss he left on my nose was a testament to that.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

Spencer Reid/CM

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

[fuckyeahnightmares]

Halloween Kills (An Hour of my God Damn Life)

Anyway, I paid 4.99 for peacock (with ads!) so I could review this movie. Give me notes.

I went in with the notion that this movie would be mid. I liked the first movie and I really like the director so I thought I’d try to clear my head of expectations and let the movie speak for itself.

What is this movie?

Bad.

How scary is it?

It’s not. I feel like everyone has seen Michael Myers do his thing enough to the point there’s no way the image of him popping out can be scary.

At some point someone says, “There’s something in our house, and I don’t think it’s kids,” which would be scary in a different movie, if it created some suspense as to what exactly is in the house and let our imagination run wild, if we didn’t know the fate of these characters. But in this movie, it’s Michael Myers. If the people in the house simply leave, then they are safe. But if they decide to stay for whatever reason, they’ll die. It’s as simple as that.

Jump scares?

Uh, kind of? Maybe? Maybe Michael pops up sometimes, but it doesn’t really do much.

Is there blood and gore?

It’s the only thing this movie has going for it besides Dylan Arnold’s hair and Judy Greer.

On a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being Al-- actually, Halloween Kills is the new 10), how dumb were the characters?

Imagine watching a bunch of people walking into a woodchipper and then thinking to yourself, “Well, I’m built different,” and proceeding to walk into said woodchipper, naked. That’s a decision every single character not named Michael Myers makes in this movie.

Does the story make logical sense if you think about it too long?

No.

Can’t you just enjoy it as a dumb fun slasher flick?

If it fucking LET ME.

The thing about this franchise is, the 2018 Halloween was actually good. It was a lean, mean slasher movie that didn’t reinvent the wheel but had some interesting things going on in its head with Laurie’s PTSD and that fracturing her relationship with her family.

This movie also tries to have deeper themes. It forgets those along the way. It feels as if it’ll have something to say about making sure the next generation doesn’t experience the same trauma, then a man who has Michael Myers PTSD takes his son on a Michael Myers-hunting stroll about town. There is also a weird mob mentality storyline that says nothing and adds nothing but 15 minutes of brain-killing runtime.

There are a gazillion characters in this, and this movie lets you latch onto exactly zero. Jamie Lee Curtis hangs out in a hospital gown for 15 minutes before cashing her check. The camera lingers meaningfully while introducing or re-introducing various characters who you think will provide some narrative cohesion and emotional weight to the story. Then they don’t. They probably get up and run naked into the woodchipper and call it a day. One character gets like a 15 minute flashback sequence then has probably 5 minutes of present day screen time. Anthony Michael Hall says one emotionally complex sentence and then is directed to act like an angry Elmer Fudd for all his other scenes.

And then the drama. It wants you to feel awful about some kills, and then it makes some kills kind of funny. Having someone goofily assist Michael Myers in their own murder in one scene and then having someone grieving over their loved one’s corpse in another is some tonal whiplash more brutal than any of the executions.

It feels as if this movie was made in spurts. As if they had to pause production because of Covid multiple times, but every time they resumed production, they had completely forgotten what they were going for last time they were all together. I wish I could forget the same way. 2/10

I liked the intro thing with the burning pumpkins.

Spoiler-y thoughts below

I guess Big John and Little John were kind of fun.

I would have decked that skull kid who took all the candy. Crushed him.

“Since Laurie is in the hospital, I wonder if the main characters in this movie are gonna be the doctor and nurse... nevermind.”

I thought that dude who played Joe Collie in Midnight Mass, the dude who Michael let live as a kid, was going to have some meaningful encounter with the killer. Nope. Dude gets fucking stuffed.

Dude’s son also gets destroyed.

That was Theo from You. Damn. But this franchise could take some cues from You on how to balance the fucking tone in a murderfest.

They seem to bring back characters from the dead all willy-nilly, and it looked like Michael was just stabbing Judy Greer’s arms. She was blocking like she was playing RE, so I kinda doubt she’s dead.

Michael Myers is immortal. Sure.

I would have crushed him. Just built different.